Change

Why does growing up always involve change? Why does change always amount to either good or bad? Why can’t change be the same like not growing apart to your closest friends or getting closer with friends you lost touch with? Change can be heal the heart and make you realize the dreams you lost and even remind you of who you truly are inside but then it can break your heart, and tear you apart from what you thought you wanted and make you lose something that you once held so dear. No I am not talking about a boy, but about people you consider family beside your family. The people I never had in life. I grew up with only my parents to cling to and to be my best friends. Don’t get me wrong I loved moving around but never truly developed any roots. And I am coming to realize it is better to move and have change every few years than it is to stay in the same place and develop roots. I made the mistake of trying too hard to hold on to the past and have seen some of my closest friends change. But I have also realized who my true friends are people who never forget you and love you for who you are. Jealousy hurts and I have seen people say why do you always have to have your parents approval you need to grow up but I cant and you will never understand it until you have it. My parents are my world, they are the people who have been there for my entire life and are always concerned about me. True friends are always concerned and always want to stay in touch no matter what the time or year. I mean I found a friend who I had not talked to in six years and we are talking like best friends within minutes of talking. This made me realize she was my best friend who never left me and who still knew me and remember me for who I was. She even helped to remind me of old dream and of who I really am even if she doesn’t know it yet. She is almost identically the person I would be if I hadn’t found my other best friend. The one I feel like should know but feel like I don’t anymore. I feel like we have grown apart but then again I think it might be me. I think it is the point that I have changed so much in the last month since we went to Wal-Mart. I have realized that I do have a niche at UTSA and that I am accepted somewhere and I thank them for that they have made me realize that it is not about if you feel accepted but if you see that you are and they don’t care about all the little things but the big things. Like who you are and who they see in you not who they want you to be or what they want you to here. They have also reminded me of who I want to be and who I am. I am also sorry to you guys if I judged you before I knew who you really were not that I will say who that is. But can you really trust the people who mean a lot to you but have changed into stuff you use to be able to over look but cant anymore. Or can you stand by while you watch them mess up their life even more. Or someone you think could die from what they are doing. And know that will be one of the hardest funerals you would ever have to go to. Someone who you love like a sister but cant do anything to stop the destruction. I would love to tell her but I can’t. She is my sister but I know she would take it to heart but would she listen or push it too far. She is already losing part of her mind and forgets almost everything and I can’t take it anymore cause what if she forgets when I need her most. I realize I can not stand by anymore and listen I have to tell her the truth no matter if I lose my best friend for life but maybe eventually she will understand and listen and still be there for me saying I know you were right and thank you for being there and caring enough to tell me.